Jason Rudeen joins us today on The SHAIR Podcast.
Jason emailed in to share his story. And Jason participates in AA, NA, CMA (that stands for crystal meth anonymous) and life recovery. He’s doing it all!! He is 100℅ abstinent for the first time since he was 11 years old. Nobody would have ever believed that Jason would find recovery and now he shares his experience on a regular basis in treatment centers wherever he goes. He found God and just started working with a new ministry that does a 12 step life renewal program and he’s training to become a peer recovery specialist.
Join us now as Jason takes us through her horrific battle with drug addiction and his inspirational journey into recovery.
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Here are a few highlights from our interview to get the full story please join us on the Podcast now!
Omar: What was keeping you from getting clean or staying clean when you first got introduced to recovery?
Jason: I guess I would say my own reservations. I would look at steps or talk to people about what you had to do and I’d be like, “Fuck that.”
Omar: Lack of willingness.
Jason: Yeah, there was none of that, or open mindedness. Maybe there was a little honesty, but I was always pretty blunt, so I probably had some honesty.
Omar: At what point did you have a spiritual wakening, that aha moment in recover, when you accepted that you were powerless over drugs and alcohol, but for the first time had developed the hope that you could recover?
Jason: I think it probably came a few weeks after that first meeting that I went to that I actually opened up. That one where I was like, “I know I don’t know you guys. I’ve seen some of your faces, but I never talk to you, and whatever. I don’t know any of you at all, but I need your help.” That started it, because it’s like a conversation starter. It’s like the best kind, because it opens the door to conversations about real, tangible, important, meaningful things that are killing us. Then it gives them the opportunity to start telling me about the solution, man. I didn’t know what hope was until I did that, but I couldn’t do it until people were in a unique position to relate to the things I was going through personally.
Omar: I remember going to my first meeting just beat up from the ground up. Just listening to these people share in there and just knowing, “I think I can recover here,” like really feeling it. You know what I mean? You’d lost all hope, and then you walk in, and then you’re like, “I think I can do this.”
Jason: I remember that first moment too of … not exactly exact moment, but I just remember that feeling, because I actually asked my sponsor, “What is that?” It had been probably a week since I had done any kind of step work or anything that was really hard or uncomfortable. It was just like by all standards like a regular week going on, and all of a sudden, it all hit me at once and I had this elation and this zen like experience. I was like, “I don’t get it.” He’s like, “It’s called delayed gratification, man.” Yeah, he was like, “You do these things and then you get delayed gratification.” He’s like, “It’s the kind that don’t go away.” He’s like, “We’re used to instant gratification and that shit wears off, and you come down, and you crash, and you feel like shit, and whatever.”
Omar: All right, so, Jason, do you have some favorite books that you recommend to our newcomers that you read in early recovery?
Jason: Oh my god. Bro, I’ve been on a kick with this stuff. All right, if I had to pick a few of them, I think The Power of Vulnerability by Brené Brown is amazing stuff. It’s real real tangible, very practical information, tons of wisdom in there. I mean, she helps figure out how to overcome shame, and guilt, and feeling of not belonging, and all these things. I don’t know. It really comes down to the core of what your mission is. Sharing helps addicts in recovery. Allowing yourself to bare your soul to others and tell your story and walking into your story like that, putting the jacket on yourself, is so freeing, man. That’s what that book’s about. It’s called The Power of Vulnerability.
I’ve been reading the hell out of some books lately. I’ve really been, personally, from my spiritual aspect, getting a lot out of this … I got this thing called Whispers of Hope by Beth Moore. It’s like a devotional prayer. It’s 70 days of devotional prayer. It teaches you how to pray more effectively, and it’s got daily readings in there, and then it’s got some scriptures that you can look up. Then you log your prayers in there. It’s like six different ways, and it’s cool, because it kind of taught me how to do it better, and write, or enhance my spiritual experience so to speak. Also, there’s a section in the back of the book that’s answered prayers. I haven’t written a single fucking thing in there, but I guarantee you I could fill it up. I could fill it up, because the blessings just keep coming, bro.
There’s a lot of good stuff. That Serenity is a really good book. That’s by Mike Shea. That’s a daily devotional. Then there’s a book called New Day New Me. It’s a recovery journal, actually, that’s really good as well. That’s also by Mike Shea.
Omar: What is the best suggestion you have ever received?
Jason: Wow, I don’t know if it’s the best, but it stick out in my mind. Guy told me … because I’ve come to understand mindfulness to be really like the one of the most important aspects, I think, of a serenity. Staying in the moment. This guy told me in early recover, and I just loved it so it stuck in my mind, he said, “If you’ve got one foot in yesterday and you got one foot in tomorrow, you’re pissing all over today.” My sponsor always used to tell me, my old sponsor, he said, “If you keep putting me on a pedestal, I’ll piss all over you.” The shit don’t make sense, though, until you practice these principles for a little while, and then you start to feel what a quality of life is like. Then you notice how lacking your life was in quality. That’s why the clichés don’t make sense until you do the steps.
Omar: If you could give our newcomers only one suggestion, what would it be?
Jason: Really, honestly, there’s no secret that’s too dark for you to be accepted in this, in this process of recovery. There’s nothing you’ve ever done or thought that anybody’s going to … I’m not saying, nobody. Maybe there’ll be a douche bag here or there, but you will be accepted and understood, and it’ll be the greatest thing you ever do in your life, because that’s the shit that’s keeping you sick, man. You got to let it all out. You got to share that shit. I would say vulnerability. Then, when you start feeling better, stay humble, stay teachable, and that’s it man.
Omar: Be open to vulnerability.
Jason: That was the catalyst. That’s the launching point is get vulnerable. Then from there, you just can’t get too full of yourself, man. Don’t get cocky. Don’t think you don’t need this shit. Definitely, don’t let other people’s bullshit in the program steer you away from the program. This is a miracle. It’s here for anyone that wants it. You know what I mean? That’s one thing I always tell people, principles before personalities is there for a reason, because you can’t let other people scare you away.
Omar: Yes. Exactly. It’s all about the message, not the messenger.
Jason: Yeah, we all deserve recovery, man. We all deserve this.
Jason: We’ve been through enough.
Facebook – Jason Rudeen
The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings of Authenticity, Connection, and Courage by Brené Brown
Whispers of Hope: 10 Weeks of Devotional Prayer by Beth Moore
Serenity: Meditations of Acceptance, Courage, and Wisdom by Mike Shea
See you then!
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Disclaimer – The opinions shared on this show reflect those of the individual speaker and not of any 12 step fellowship as a whole and though we discuss 12 step recovery and the impact it has had in our lives we do not promote or endorse any 12 step anonymous program.