This post is overdue. Two years clean and sober back in December, something I never thought possible. With 12-step programs, podcasts, and friendships I’ve made here online and, in the rooms, my life has done a 180. In fact, it’s gotten so good I almost feel like not sharing about it because it feels like bragging. I heard it said once that ‘the pain I was in was finally greater than my fear of changing’ THAT’S the best description of my bottom. It wasn’t a high bottom, nor a low one, it was a sad, miserable existence doing the same routine day in and out.
Trapped. Unable to get out of the grips of my alcoholism and unable to get out of my own way. After 10 years of being in and out, sober and relapsing I decided to truly work the program as outlined in the big book. ALL OF IT. For one year. My deal with myself was: if my life doesn’t get better, the bars will still be there. I got a sponsor. I got honest. I got to work.
It wasn’t easy. In fact, I was uncomfortable all the damn time. It sucked but it didn’t kill me. Service work kept me busy and made all the other sober people around me a little less scary. My problem was life and I didn’t know how to exist and move through this world without chemically altering my mind and body. Yoga and meditation help me ease both these days. I sponsor women. I became an artist. I met another sober alcoholic (a year and two months in) and fell in love.
I’m just now returning to my home after being on a 7-week cross country adventure with the man I love and our dog. I’ve climbed mountains. I’ve bathed in hot springs under a desert sky. I’ve seen the world’s tallest trees and widest canyons. Ten National Parks, over 6000 miles, many meetings along the way, arguments, dog puke, snowstorms, dog poop in snowstorms, laughter, and tears. I’ve cried when I wasn’t getting my way and also been so caught in the beauty of a moment that it shook me in my deepest parts of my soul. This is what I would have missed.
You can do this. You can create a life beyond your wildest dreams. Thank you all! Special shout out to Omar Pinto for pulling us all together on social media and all the work he does on the The SHAIR Recovery Podcast. You all rock!